THE PRESENCE OF THE PAST: THE EMOTIONAL MISERY OF UKU SHEILA (THE LAST PART)

Gabriel called to inform me of his wedding which was in a month time, I was not the bride…

That I wasn’t mentally deranged due to the unexpected emotional crack-up was a miracle. On my tear-soaked bed, filled with hatred and anger I regretted my wasted years; “Comparing and contrasting is invaluable in this situation, I may just be a graduate of Mass Communication but I believe that seven years in the medical school without a degree sure weighs better than seven devastating years of a relationship with a sweet but violent mere human, who would eventually realise he has lost more than he merited.” Then, it stroke me; Who has he lost? Me? Who am I?”

My desperation to be loved has drown my love for myself at a lower level. All these years, I desired to be loved by people around me, not knowing the true ‘me’. My life experience remoulded me into who I was never meant to be, it gave me no chance of meeting the positive Uku Sheila.

For three years, as Dora seeked for her parents in Finding Dora, I embarked in the journey of discovering me and more of me. It was the beginning of a colourful Uku Sheila. The life that evoked the unanticipated astonishment of my sisters. I got a job at a firm that would allow me grow and develop personally and career wise. Time after time, I strengthened my lifestyle generally.

In four weeks, yes I am actually counting down, I will walk down the aisle with all my heart, hand in hand with the true love of my life. When I met him in October, I never expected to be that excited. Dotun gave me all, he opened up my soul to view through my eyes every sign that would make me believe that he was the right one but I trashed it. Once bitten twice shy. However, I diagnosed the killer disease, “The presence of my past”. 

Sometimes, letting our past determine our present might erase our future.

“Giving it a try with my head in the game shouldn’t hurt” I reconsidered. Here we are, not even up to a year, about to exchange vows in front of our families. Definitely, mine will be there and that includes my mother’s only sister, Mummy Fred. My sisters advised me to invite her family. Dotun and I visited them, right, just perfect, Fred was around. He was the same though bigger. He never apologised but his eyes and voice betrayed him; guilt and regret were visible.

The past hurts, the future is promising and a future with Dotun is an unending scintillating love story.

The End!

Written by Umahi Uju Vicky
Talking about myself welcomes me into the world of confusion, I mean, how else can I say that I am a passionate volunteer, a flexible teacher, a life loving blogger and Umahi Obianujunwa Victoria!